Three Hour Tour.

I'm beginning to learn that one of the greatest qualities a person can possess in life is the ability to seem to know exactly what they are doing. Allow me to illustrate. Peter and I decided to canoe from London Street to the Trent Campus last week. This is about a 15 kilometre round trip and it includes three dams that needed to be portaged. All three of these were good tests of our ability to act as if all is as it ought to be.

Dam one consisted of hauling the canoe over eighty yards or so of slimy rocks and then through the back yard of an old folks home. Our tactic was quite simple. -'According to our carefully planned route, we will find a spot to throw the canoe back into the water right over this hill. Ah, Yes, there it is. Just as we planned.'

Dam number two was a bit more complex, but we managed to get through without looking phased. Just a little matter of throwing the canoe over a twelve foot chain link fence topped with triple strand barbed wire.

Number three was a bit more public, so we decided that our best option was to comment loudly about how the trees and water level had changed since our last trip through here the week before. In truth we hadn't the foggiest about where we would find water again, but, like Columbus, when we found what we were looking for we didn't waste any time second guessing ourselves.

On our way back, nonchalance and confidence were less a façade than an actual persona. Plus, we had no doubt in our minds that the people waving at us from the bank were clearly in awe of our prowess. On the third or fourth time drifting past, it may have been somewhat difficult to appear cool and collected as we sorted out which end of the map was north. Fortunately, from the bank no one could see that it was really just a page ripped out of Where's Waldo.

If there is anything that you should take away from this, it's that confidence will get you places in life. Here are some examples to use in your day-to-day routine.

'Yes, I did mean to knock over the pyramid of crystal wine glasses. I planned it the moment I walked into the room.'

'Oh, I knew the horse would kick me as I leaned over to pick up the gum that I intentionally allowed to fall out of my mouth. I rather enjoy it-it helps clear my head.'

It's like my dad once said, 'It can be a little humiliating carrying a snowmobile down the road on a wheel burrow, but just don't give them a chance to ask questions.' Which is exactly the policy I used as I rattled down Water Street dragging a free barbecue during rush hour. A good stare down reminds the locals that they are the ones who should feel uncomfortable for staring. Plus, I am now one of the ruling elite who have chosen to singe off all of their arm hair while lighting the blasted thing.

Tot ziens