I think I can. I think I can. I think I can...

New Year's Resolutions are something that I have frowned upon in the past. Mostly because I think that if someone would like to make a life-altering change, they can do it any time that they want. They don't need to have someone kiss them at the end of a countdown to make it happen.

Laura is attempting to be better at everything this year. My competitive personality almost lured me into resolving to be better at everything than Laura is. Fortunately I thought better of it before I opened my big mouth and stuck myself with all of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and everything else that would have quickly fallen into the category of previously shared tasks.

I think the New Year's resolution is a very logical next step after all of the Christmas cheer that turns Grinch's and Scrooges into amiable uncles and charitable patrons of goodwill to all. This about face that we see in the media suckers us into buying the idea that we can become better people if we just set our minds to it. So here are some tips for how to make good New Year's resolutions.

The very best way to make a New Year's resolution that will not cause a great deal of discomfort come January 3rd is to make it so vague that even you will not remember what it was intended to correct in a weeks time.

Allow me to illustrate. Every year I play in a hockey tournament with my dad, uncle Jim and brothers over the Christmas break. This year I discovered that several of my gears were missing mid breakaway. Embarrassing and hurtful all at the same time. Getting married greatly increased the quality of food that I have been eating and in turn the quantity also picked up. Let's face it, my own dry grilled cheese sandwich made from month old crusts, the dry end of the cheese block and the margarine that is primarily made up of past users' crumbs, made it pretty easy for me to say not to seconds. I mean, come on, that ketchup wasn't even red anymore.

Right, so as a result of my wonderful wife's great cooking I am somewhat less in shape than I used to be. Living with 7-9 other guys who loved road hockey, pickup hockey, basketball, baseball, soccer and other sports probably also kept me in better shape than Laura chasing me around with a rolling pin(just an empty wine bottle prior to her great Christmas haul) after I spilled coffee grounds on the counter for the fourth day in a row.

After the tournament I vowed to Laura that I would get into better shape this year...as soon as I finished my Swiss Chalet festive special with a half chicken substituted for the regular quarter chicken. I carefully used the word 'better' instead of saying, I am going to finish the Boston Marathon next year.

Avoid easily evaluated goals.

Another tip for New Year's resolutions is to keep them to yourself. That way no helpful soul feels the need to hold you accountable when there are only three pieces of pie left and you have only had two.

For those of you who are wondering, I have decided not to make any resolutions this year. I'll make some minor lifestyle changes. When I go to the gym, I will only resort to shooting hoops once every other week in place of bench-pressing or running. When I eat a great meal I will not lick out the pot, or eat the extra three helpings required to get the pot to the lick-able point. I will no longer console myself for a bad day at the gym by eating butter...just kidding, I don't eat butter, but you should try the salted stuff some time, it is delicious.

Anyhow I have to go now. Laura just took muffins out of the oven and I have to go make sure that she is keeping her resolution. Good thing I didn't tell her about mine.

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